I absolutely love moments in life when you finally realize something that God has been trying to show you for months. The joy, and in my case laughter, that comes when the blinders come off. For me that moment was just a few minutes ago. The move to Houston has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. There have been so many ups and downs and lately I think the downs have far outnumbered the ups. Everything familiar is gone. I feel like every part of who I was in the last 32 years is gone and I am learning a whole new person. It has been hard and so very frustrating. I have gotten angry with God and we have had words! But like a loving father, he allowed my temper tantrum and then said, “Are you done?” As soon as I would reply with a “yes” he would once again begin moving things around in my life. I remember not so long ago telling a friend of mine that all I wanted was one good day. Well, if I were being honest they haven’t all been bad days. In fact, most of my life here in Houston has been amazing. God has put incredible people in my path who have loved me and stood beside me through thick and thin. It just seems that the bad days have been really bad.
So, this morning as I was doing my devotional a revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been wondering for months, and several people have even asked me, why it is that I feel so much more at home here in Houston than I ever did in my real home Atlanta. I am a city girl my nature so I have wondered if maybe that has something to do with it. I realized today that is not it. When I moved to Houston I knew one person. That person knew who I was and some of my background and all the things I had accomplished in Atlanta, but no one else did. My immediate reaction when I moved was to get plugged in, volunteer and do what I had always done. That was not God’s plan for me. God has called me into a season of “being” and can I just tell you that is the hardest thing in the world for me. I totally understand why Martha got mad at Mary! I would have been cheering her on if I was there. The reason I am not good at being is because I am not really sure who I am when I am holding still. If I am planning an event or in a production booth I know who I am and what my task is. I also know that I am in control and that I am good at what I do. I can’t help but laugh right now. I have been neither of those people since I moved. I am not an event planner or a video director right now. And that has had my world upside down. God has closed door after door to both of those things in the last couple of months.
I have always wondered who I would be if my talents and titles were ever taken away? Would people still like me? Would God still be able to use me? God gave me the answer today. Yes! The relationships I have now are so strong and despite all the adversity I am still flourishing. God is using me to make a difference and I am not an event planner or a video director. He moved me 900 miles away from everything I knew and took away everything that I was good at to show me that people will love me for me and he can use me even in the most acquired of situations. I have authentic community with amazing people and most of them have no idea what I am really good at. They don’t know April the in control planner/director. They know April. That alone is worth every once of pain that I have been through in the last couple of months!
April
