Silver

I once heard a story about the refining process of silver. In order for the silversmith to truly refine the silver he had to put it into the hottest part of the coals so that all the impurities would surface. The silver is only ready to be poured and formed when all the impurities are gone and the silversmith can see his own image when he looks at the silver. Some day's I can relate to how the silver feels. I am reminded on a Passage in Isaiah 48:10-11 "See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another." My hearts desire is to be like that purest form of silver, so that when my maker looks at me He sees His reflection. But, there are days when the coals feel too hot and I long for a break

.

God is doing something in my life that I can't seem to figure out. Since my move to Houston there have been many ups and downs. I have no doubt that this is where God has called me to be. Houston is my home and I love it here. But somehow, I feel like I am missing something. I recently resigned from my job. I strongly disliked my job and knew that it wasn't where God wanted me, but knew I should have a backup plan before I left. That was not God's plan. People have asked how I am doing and I respond with, "I am fine and God is in control." I believe that. I really do. 

But, Sunday morning I found myself in the arms of two amazing friends who held me as tears streamed down uncontrollably. I think the only words I could get out were that I was scared. I know that I will be fine and that God is in control. But I have been here before and I didn't like it the last time. "See, I have refined you, thought not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this." Taking my own life one day at a time is hard for me. I am a planner by nature and profession. I like having a plan. God is not telling me the plan for my life right now, at least not the long term plans. I seem to be getting things one day at a time. I don't do well with one day at a time. So, at this moment I am torn between my hearts desire to live a life that really matters and having a well laid out plan. I know there is a well laid out plan for my life; I just wish I was included in the planning process. But, then again, I am pretty sure my human brain could not begin to comprehend all that He will do if I am willing to trust Him one day and one step at a time. So my declaration for today…

 

YES LORD,

walking in the way of your truth,
   I wait for YOU;
for YOUR name and renown
   is the desire of my heart!

 

 

 

 

Perfect Love drives out fear!

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect
love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

If you were to ask most of the people who know me well, fearful would not be a word they would use to describe me. In fact, recently I was told that I am brave and courageous. I don't feel that way. Brave is not where I am right now. I feel so far from brave at this moment that I am not even sure what it look likes. At this moment I feel like I have taken my eyes off the cross of Jesus and fear has planted itself deep in my heart. So deep that there are moments when I feel as if I can't really breathe. It is affecting my life; it is affecting my friendships.

I had an amazing revelation today at the dog park of all places. For those of you who know and love Maddie the wonder dog, you know that she has her moments. Today was no exception. When she was close to me at the park all was fine in her world. She felt protected and safe and acted like a normal dog. However, once or twice I got out of her sight range and she cowered and even became a little aggressive. She wasn't sure where to go, how to act, or what to do. During one of those moments I felt like God hit me on the back of the head and said, "That is what you are like when you get too far from me!"

I realized that as long as I am staying close to my creator that I feel the freedom to be who I am designed to be. There is a sense of peace in my heart that all is right in my world. Even in the midst of total chaos I don't have to worry because I know that he will protect me. Just like Maddie knew that she didn't have to worry about the bigger dogs when mom was around, I know that my Heavenly Father will take care of all that life throws at me. His perfect love towards me drives out all of my fears.